From Russia With Antipathy

We were picked up in the pre dawn darkness by a driver and deposited at the Zarya Hotel.  We were still swaying from the effects of four nights on the train and looking forwards to a shower like you would not believe. We got to the room, turned on the taps, and no hot water. I phoned through to reception. “We appear to have no hot water.” “Yes sir, it will be fixed in two hours.” “TWO HOURS! WE HAVE BEEN ON A DIRTY TRAIN FOR FOUR NIGHTS WE HAVE TO HAVE A SHOWER NOW!!” was my response to that. Ten minutes later there was a knock at the door and I hastily put back on my filthy train clothes. “We go now. New Room.” said a porter. The new room was two floors up in another wing of the hotel. Great.

Everyone then dressed again and packed up bags that had been instantly disgorged in the ten minutes we’d been here. Luckily for everyone involved, we were upgraded, but still there was no hot water coming out of the shower. The porter could see my eye twitching like Chief Inspector Dreyfus in the Pink Panther movies and quickly showed me that there was hot water for a bath. It was a big jacuzzi style thing, and we all jumped in like a victorious football team in a communal bath. Even the usually cleanliness resistant Harry felt better after a soak (although his feet still look a little suspect...)

After this reviving dip we then set off to find out what was going on near the hotel and get our bearings. The air outside was choking with pollution. Moscow was suffering from an unprecedented heatwave and it felt just like being back in Bangkok. Only Bangkok with ugly people. We walked past blokes having their morning litre of beer and made our way gingerly by wrecked Ladas and piles of broken bottles. Crossing a railway line we came to a market that was like a cheap and nasty version of Walthamstow market (if you’ve never been to Walthamstow, you won’t realise how bad this is...) We wandered round, looking for a cafe to have a drink, but it the same old problem that you just can’t tell what is inside a particular building unless you read Cyrillic. We despondently headed back to the hotel, only to be accosted by a fifty year old glue sniffer. Moscow. Good first impressions then...